eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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