i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
