I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
