its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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