FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
