hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
