I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
