WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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