I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
