I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
