I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
