Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
