The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
