walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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