brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
