Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
