My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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