it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
