Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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