Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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