I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
