nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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