put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
