Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
