I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
