I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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