Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
