Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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