They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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