My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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