i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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