AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
