i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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