Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
