I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
