Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
