dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
