He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
