I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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