Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize