i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
