She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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