You really coming over, don't trick.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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