I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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