Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
