the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
