i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
oh god was she eating orange peels again
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
