Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
