I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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