i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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