I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
