thus making me awesome and them whores
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
