I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
