I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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