he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
how does that bad decision feel?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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