good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
