I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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