our cab driver is having phone sex.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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