i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
