I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
being pregnant is like rehab
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
