I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
