Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
