If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
