Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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