Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize