he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
