What a fucking waste of an outfit
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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