i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
