Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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