all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
