the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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