What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
