I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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